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Spaces of Your Heart

Life has been very good to me. 
Life hasn’t always been kind. 
It has been brutal.
But you know that now more than ever. 
I wonder why God decided to put us right here, in the middle of chaos and suffering, death and disease. 
Maybe your God has no say, maybe it’s just bad timing, or science or evolution? 
I don’t know. 
I really don’t. 
I can’t wrack my brain around it. 
Maybe your God or mine or the molecules that make up your DNA decided it was your turn to be here. 
What a fucking miracle of a mess. 
He /She knew you’d be strong enough to get through it. 
To weather the harshest seasons of humanity. 
I’m not sure the how or why or even who, the particulars. 
Not in the least. 
I am sure I have lived an excellent life, despite the bullshit. 
I would not trade it, but I hope when my end comes, I can face it. 
With grace and dignity and the knowledge that I tried. 
Unafraid to die is the lie we all tell ourselves. 
We’re all afraid. 
To die, to lose someone we love. 
Afraid to live. 
To get through it. 
Death can come when it’s my time. 
I could use a nice long nap, I’m fucking exhausted. 
Not today, or even tomorrow, or the day after perhaps.
I don’t want to carry the burdens of so much suffering, bearing down on my chest. 
I find quiet refuge in the beautiful greens of the evergreens, and sunny days that never disappoint. 
I howl at the moon cycles and am unafraid to get dirty. 
I put my faith in nature and the natural order of things. 
Time is irrelevant when we have no choice, but to breathe through it. 
So, go ahead and exhale. 
Life has been very good to me.
Even the cruelty and hard bits.
They have forced me to grow. 
So, go ahead and breathe in a smile. 
Time is best lived in between the inhale, and exhale.
Find the joy and secret places that swell you up. 
You’ll need them for the long haul.

Published in BLOG POETRY Spirituality

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