I hate the word #BiPolar. It’s ugly, an overused throwaway word.‬ #I’mAWhatever

I couldn’t resist responding to the lovely Carol Adriana Estrella‘s post on Facebook this morning. “Doing a small survey: What are your first thoughts when you hear the word “bipolar”. Being that is an illness, I see it used around A LOT as an adjective or a subject.” Visit the very hip and informative blog Is Ok Not To Be Ok to view some of the varied responses (including my abridged one). Carol explains, “I did a very informal

"We are left with the prisons of our own minds and that is heavy enough." J Cioffa #MentalIllness #Treatment 

One in Four. No, not Really.  The very real, gut-wrenching mental illness statistics remain not far off from fifty years ago when pyschiatric institutions were the solution, lock them away. As long as my beautiful chaotic mind and the words don’t betray me, I use my voice. I am Three in Four even Four in Four, hit the mentally ill genetic jackpot. The reality is I could snap at any moment, I pray won’t. Please, don’t judge. Don’t judge the ‘crazy,’ the insane,

Something That Precious

I dreamt of you last night. It was so nice to see your beautiful face. You were laughing, tan, skin luminescent, summer blond silky hair straightened blowing in the breeze. You wore a hideous, teal colored poof dress and you were ridiculously happy. Seven, almost eight years have passed. I wrote this when you left trying to make sense of the shock, grief, numbness and non-sensical. I held onto it until today. It’s

qode interactive strata

COME ON GOD, Buddha, anybody?

Manic Depression, Benzo Taper Withdrawals, Fatty Liver Diet and oh yeah, there’s THAT (see below). Did I miss anything? I think I’m going to cocoon in bed with baby pillow and watch a movie. Preferably something ‘light.’ COME ON, GOD, BUDDHA whoever the fuck is out there listening. “Agoraphobia is often, but not always, compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic

Take Me To Church

My therapist – “you’re an addict. You’re in recovery” (say what?). I don’t care how you got there, or which doctor gave you the pills. There are no healing shortcuts, no way around, over or under it. You have to plow straight through.” I looked up the twelve steps. Can my shrink please put me in a medically induced coma and wake me up when it’s over (approx. 2-3 years

It's all in your purple velour pants.

Body temperature. 95 degrees. Chills. Muscle aches. Blurred vision. A sampling of the shiteous Benzo taper tsunami symptoms that are my current mood. I ask my mom if I have a seizure will she take me to the hospital? “Probably not.” Frothing and foaming at the mouth in fetal position?  “Nope.” This is not her first carnival ride of crazy. Please excuse me while I go dunk my head in a snow bank to cool

Seashore Dwellings and Frayed Twine

We are all like it or not, intertwined. The way the stories breeze through my mind, much like the people I have loved and let go. As I watch helpless, I cringe at the chaos that surrounds. These are dangerous times we live in. To love, dream, practice uncomfortable kindness. To choose hope. I leave this place with tales spun from grass and held together by frayed twine. Living is scary. Not

Carmine Street, NY '96

“Harrison’s experience of her new milieu is full of sensory observation. An early chapter refers to the city in tantalizing terms: New York tasted better than chocolate, was wilder than anything Harrison had imagined, and smelled like opportunity. The streets vibrated under her boots.” -Carrie Chantler The Vast Landscape “All great change is preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra