You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. – Timber Hawkeye #DepressionAwarenessWeek
No matter how many times this morning I repeated I am in fact NOT full of hate, bitter, ugly, paralyzed with fear or consumed by the crazy, I could not reason my way out. I’m a rapid cycler, I’ve been hypo-manic for weeks and yes headed towards the inevitable come down, the hideous depression and the dark. Black nothingness is something I understand, the concept I accept and am accustomed to. It’s always
Clean drinking makes living a glass half full. Before juicing…I am way UP UP UP for the lemon water challenge. Every morning first thing: I drink warm lemon water. Diagnosed with manic depression, anxiety, fatty liver… I needed to make some serious dietary changes. I am vigilante about my health and diet, which is no longer a chore but a pleasure. Healthy eating takes a little thought, time, but … guess what?
I have to remind myself to walk away from the hate multiple times a day when frustration gets too heavy, life bears down too hard. Living is torture even when one is ridiculously happy. Living consumed by hate, the ugliest impossibility. The sun is a billion years dead and gone, yet she shines so warm and glorious. I’m going to bask in the light of the sun. I bought three gemstone rings
Manic Depression, Benzo Taper Withdrawals, Fatty Liver Diet and oh yeah, there’s THAT (see below). Did I miss anything? I think I’m going to cocoon in bed with baby pillow and watch a movie. Preferably something ‘light.’ COME ON, GOD, BUDDHA whoever the fuck is out there listening. “Agoraphobia is often, but not always, compounded by a fear of social embarrassment, as the agoraphobic fears the onset of a panic
Body temperature. 95 degrees. Chills. Muscle aches. Blurred vision. A sampling of the shiteous Benzo taper tsunami symptoms that are my current mood. I ask my mom if I have a seizure will she take me to the hospital? “Probably not.” Frothing and foaming at the mouth in fetal position? “Nope.” This is not her first carnival ride of crazy. Please excuse me while I go dunk my head in a snow bank to cool