yours, truly

If I show you the inside of my heart you might die of frostbite It’s black and frozen There are no cracks or crevices, no sunbeams of light Only the abyss and heaviness of the infinite Suffocated breath In this world, these times, these superficial plastic without purpose days I’d like a rewind I was born sad you see Born with sadness in my marrow Dripping from my old spirit

Gravity

Young girl filled with big dreams it’s fine to carry on, all grown even when you cannot do it alone. There will be others just like you who’ve survived the awkward teenager years, pimples, bruises and broken hearts. They’ll care enough to remind you how perfectly precious you are. It’s okay to fall or fuck up; when you’re doing your best. Life will get harder than you can manage, but

I hate the word #BiPolar. It’s ugly, an overused throwaway word.‬ #I’mAWhatever

I couldn’t resist responding to the lovely Carol Adriana Estrella‘s post on Facebook this morning. “Doing a small survey: What are your first thoughts when you hear the word “bipolar”. Being that is an illness, I see it used around A LOT as an adjective or a subject.” Visit the very hip and informative blog Is Ok Not To Be Ok to view some of the varied responses (including my abridged one). Carol explains, “I did a very informal

I am somebody’s child, you know. Jacqueline Cioffa #mentalillness  

I never cared much about looking back when I was young. I could not wait to leave this house, this town get out and experience stuff. You know the obstinate dreamer looking for bold adventure. It worked. I ran. I ran fast and far, and kept running. That’s the funny thing about developing a serious illness, you are forced to re-prioritize. Becoming insane in the middle of Manhattan did not bode well for me

Shine On

There is in fact a whole earth with enough space to roam, create, inspire, dream, conquer, share and uplift. I believe this to be. #truth. I will not waste one second, one millisecond needing or lusting after your shine. Stephen Hawking’s quote suggests, “There ought to be something very special about the boundary conditions of the universe and what can be more special than that there is no boundary?” No boundary, what a revolutionary concept.

On the Walk

Last night ‘on the walk’ Lupe and I saw a shadow in the midnight black, bone-chilling distance. An elderly man lying helpless in the snow, black cold, car door wide open, -7 degrees below. He lives two doors down, a neighbor and I don’t know him at all. I tried to lift him with my will, powerless to pull him up by myself. I stayed close,  reassuring him he’d be alright. My mind spinning,

The Ethers

light living under the ethers   colorless, evaporates quickly when exposed to air     you can't touch it, but you know it's there            beautiful, bizarre, momentary earth

Thread the Needle

Authenticity. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the word, gargling, swishing it around in my mouth and spitting it out. If I only show you the photoshopped, concealed, makeup pretty me you’ll never understand the underbelly. The crunchy grit, rawness hidden beneath. The really good stuff, the honest kind that matters. Most days I can only see how my illness defines me. Every single piece that’s been stolen, the immeasurable, inexplicable

Drowning, on Repeat

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord the dark squashes me in broad daylight And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord big moments, big, big grandiose moments important things still waiting, still hoping, oh Lord do you hear me, screaming silent plea Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord faith is a five letter word hard