I didn’t start out like this. I was a goddess, a fearless warrior eager for the unchartered. I was happy at birth, an easy smiley baby; always trusting, overly naïve. I took for granted that kindness was around me.

I grew up, acquired the hate and problems and stuff and distraction. I do not want to live in any old house with four walls, filled with rules and regulations and misconceptions. I don’t want to be shallow, undisciplined, unaware, indecisive and unforgiving. I don’t want to be the enabler. I have not added the characters to this story because they don’t count. I prefer to stick with the simple, the animals and the trees.

I look out at the sad, pre-conditioned faces and am returned to the lost feelings. I taste the screams building up in my throat, the hurling accusations. I immediately remove myself from the physical, and loose the same old, same old. I practice deep breathing and kind thinking.

I grasp onto the red bench, the red robin, the positive forces rewiring my thoughts and I walk across the page releasing it all.
I don’t care if you see the weakest part of me, the ugly truths. I am imperfect, diseased, damaged and pre –conditioned, but so are we all. I am aware of my misgivings, and the surface. I am face to face with the short temper, the judgment, the fears, the Venetian masks I wear for your fancy. Right now, I am checking out.

I will not allow you to judge me, I will hand you all my unholy on a silver platter.
You may do with me whatever you please. I have begun; I am the walkabout. I have mulled it over on a red bench for days and months. I have sat and stirred and worried over nothing. I have worn down the rubber soles on my shoes. I am convinced that certain is nothing. I am loosing the broken record.

I am fearless, a fairytale princess young at heart, serene and at home on the beach. In my most perfect, well lived in modern, sea-legged, sturdy house. I am a deserted beach at sunset, with no timetable in view basking in warmth and color. I am healthy and mind free, delighted to casually wander about.

The Red Bench excerpt © 2009 by Jacqueline Cioffa

9 comments

    1. Thank you for including me in the October 17 #LInkYourLife Roundup.
      So excited to be mentioned beside so many wonderful bloggers. Great reads.
      Xx Jackie

    1. Thank you for including me in the October 17 #LinkYourLife Roundup with so many fine writers.
      ‘Tis an honor. Jackie

    1. Thank you so much, Kimmie for the read, share and sweet comment. AND, the double trouble you went through. 🙂

      Apologies you’re having a hard time finding the share button, and thank you for bringing it to my attention.
      When I asked the web designer for a clean and minimal look, maybe I got carried away…

      When you open the link i.e..: ‘Buried In A Beach’ the share is the last button in the title heading. (if you hover over it turns pink).

      15 OCT BURIED IN A BEACH
      Posted at 18:36h in BLOG, EMOTIONAL HEALTH, POETRY & PROSE by jackiecioffa 6 Comments
      0 Likes
      Share

      please let me know if this helps…Xx

      Thank you, thank you. <3

  1. P.S… It may just be me and my discombobulation, but I can never find your share buttons… I copy paste to Twitter from my search bar… Am I missing your share options… or did you decide you’d rather not have them… If the latter, just give me a note on Twitter and I’ll control my copy paste behaviour 😉 Hard to resist mind… You are SO worth sharing! x

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