Duty, responsibility, obligation and drudge
I run around making false promises lying to myself
I must end this cycle of debt, hush-hush niceties and learn to live it
The oddity full of venom and regret
Regret for harsh words hurled in the face of others living in the continuum
The vortex seasonal cycle of disgust and disappointment
Passing judgment upon judgment and hanging no mirrors in my house
I am unable to see the pretty person’s reflection in glass
Wake up child and move on
Go, get, get on and get the hell out from under
The relentless abuse you swallow the misbegotten forgotten soul
The core is damaged from unwanted vocabulary, an unpleasant learned space and skin scratch uncomfortable place
Molestations and accusations what are these words?
I am innocence tossed in the trash long discarded
I have no choice but to make amends
To say, I’m sorry
Simple, two simple impossible words do not roll off the tongue
I’m sorry for so much wasted time
I’m sorry for doubting my perfectly imperfect being
I’m sorry for forever cursing and cussing the bright light burnt stars
I am after all worthy of love
A life filled with some resemblance of happy
I’m not asking for false pretenses or avoidance
Gut punch sharp zinger pain is necessary for growth
A second act?
To right a whole bunch of fall in formation wrongs
I shudder at the possibility of abundance where olfactory senses delight and grandiose dreams are free from jagged edge worries and boundaries
If I can’t be this plain and simple unruly self, who then?
Some other pleasing needing false misrepresentation?
And so, I make amends
And so, I choose to forgive my horrendously ugly fuckups, mishaps and misfortunes
And so, I will learn from the past and the present
Goodbye, old friend
I’ll meet you in the heavens where the orbs are light dancing and colliding transparent
A buoyancy and freedom of physical weight your human form has never known
The torrential, unrelenting downpours of distraught
The hell you experienced?
Dissipated, forgiven and forgotten in less than an instant
Time is not measured in increments
A myriad of wondrous, cheery, crazy beautiful light bright color streams encapsulate and flash brilliant
Hues and the most superfluous elegant words paint the world you left behind
In the orbs there is only purity and lightness of being
You can’t possibly see it, dream it or feel it
The weight disappears and floats upwards
Hope floats forever unbound
Do I know with complete certainty there is an afterlife waiting for me?
Of course, I don’t. This I cannot say.
I want my bubble to be filled with words floating by in a lighthearted stream of consciousness in no particular order.
Being human is hard and excruciating at times, I expel the pain onto the page and wait for cathartic transparency to come back around my way.
To the orbs, I place words with meaning in no varying array. My black and white truths become a grey concept and fade away. The dark cannot shine without the light.
Family, love, rape, anguish, hope, faith, purpose, death, life, home, heartbreak, birth, joy
The words lose their hold and I am set free
Beautiful, Jackie. Breathtakingly so!
You really are such an incredibly gifted writer. I’m in awe of your writing ability. Are you famous yet… if not why not? 🙂 Up there with the greats is where you should be…where I believe you will be one day.
Remember us little people when you get there. *winks* 😉
All the best for 2016. Kimmie x
Your words are so unbelievably generous, and I’m grateful.
It’s funny, I submitted this piece last week to a zine and it got rejected. LOL
I went ahead and published it after showing it to a writer I respect.
It’s about perspective, I suppose. <3
Thank you for reading, and understanding the words.
Wishing you a beautiful year ahead,
Your words float perhaps in no particular order but make a perfect sense. Beautiful poetry. I can relate to so many of your sentiments.
Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful comment.
The words were meant to float, at least that’s how I saw them.
Wishing you joy and serenity, in no particular order.
Wow! Love this, Jackie. Thank you for these words.
Thank you, always.
And thank you for the kind read and latest review of Georgia Pine.
Sending light and happiness your way.
This is gorgeous! I can relate so well. It takes a lot to forgive ourselves and yet it changes how we see the world around us. I am resolving not to spend so much time “navel-gazing” in 2016. What is, is. But I have so much hope for what is ahead!
Happy 2016! So glad we met!
Thank you for the beautiful sentiment.
Resolving to spend less time “navel-gazing” sounds like a great idea, and so very well put.
YES, let’s do it!
I’m so glad we met as well, and wish youth brightest days ahead.
Another amazing poem, Jackie. It’s true–self-forgiveness is so hard, but it’s also necessary. All of us have screwed up, and it’s OK. I’m finally allowing myself to accept that, and am glad you are too. We’re all just humans, doing our best. Thank you for putting that into such beautiful words. xox
Thank you so much, Mary.
I find self-forgiveness one of the hardest challenges to overcome,
and perhaps the most vital. I’d like to believe I’ll arrive at the point where
I’m enlightened and unencumbered by all the human stuff, for now I am aspiring. 🙂
So, I allow myself the freedom on the page, and I’m so glad you enjoyed the poem.