To The Orbs by Jacqueline Cioffa

 

photo-1445443385222-53ca40599f15To The Orbs 

Duty, responsibility, obligation and drudge

I run around making false promises lying to myself

I must end this cycle of debt, hush-hush niceties and learn to live it

 

This life

 

Starring me

The oddity full of venom and regret

Regret for harsh words hurled in the face of others living in the continuum

The vortex seasonal cycle of disgust and disappointment

Passing judgment upon judgment and hanging no mirrors in my house

I am unable to see the pretty person’s reflection in glass

Wake up child and move on

Go, get, get on and get the hell out from under

The relentless abuse you swallow the misbegotten forgotten soul

The core is damaged from unwanted vocabulary, an unpleasant learned space and skin scratch uncomfortable place

Molestations and accusations what are these words?

I am innocence tossed in the trash long discarded

I have no choice but to make amends

To say, I’m sorry

Simple, two simple impossible words do not roll off the tongue

I’m sorry for so much wasted time

I’m sorry for doubting my perfectly imperfect being

I’m sorry for forever cursing and cussing the bright light burnt stars

I am after all worthy of love

A life filled with some resemblance of happy

I’m not asking for false pretenses or avoidance

Gut punch sharp zinger pain is necessary for growth

A second act?

To right a whole bunch of fall in formation wrongs

I shudder at the possibility of abundance where olfactory senses delight and grandiose dreams are free from jagged edge worries and boundaries

If I can’t be this plain and simple unruly self, who then?

Some other pleasing needing false misrepresentation?

And so, I make amends

And so, I choose to forgive my horrendously ugly fuckups, mishaps and misfortunes

And so, I will learn from the past and the present

Goodbye, old friend

I’ll meet you in the heavens where the orbs are light dancing and colliding transparent

A buoyancy and freedom of physical weight your human form has never known

The torrential, unrelenting downpours of distraught

The hell you experienced?

Dissipated, forgiven and forgotten in less than an instant

Time is not measured in increments

A myriad of wondrous, cheery, crazy beautiful light bright color streams encapsulate and flash brilliant

Hues and the most superfluous elegant words paint the world you left behind

In the orbs there is only purity and lightness of being

You can’t possibly see it, dream it or feel it 

Human

The weight disappears and floats upwards 

Hope floats forever unbound

 

 

photo-1444703686981-a3abbc4d4fe3

 

Do I know with complete certainty there is an afterlife waiting for me?

Of course, I don’t. This I cannot say.

 I want my bubble to be filled with words floating by in a lighthearted stream of consciousness in no particular order.

Being human is hard and excruciating at times, I expel the pain onto the page and wait for cathartic transparency to come back around my way.

To the orbs, I place words with meaning in no varying array. My black and white truths become a grey concept and fade away. The dark cannot shine without the light.

 Family, love, rape, anguish, hope, faith, purpose, death, life, home, heartbreak, birth, joy

The words lose their hold and I am set free

10 Replies to “To The Orbs by Jacqueline Cioffa”

  1. Beautiful, Jackie. Breathtakingly so!
    You really are such an incredibly gifted writer. I’m in awe of your writing ability. Are you famous yet… if not why not? 🙂 Up there with the greats is where you should be…where I believe you will be one day.

    Remember us little people when you get there. *winks* 😉

    All the best for 2016. Kimmie x

    1. Kimmie,

      Your words are so unbelievably generous, and I’m grateful.
      It’s funny, I submitted this piece last week to a zine and it got rejected. LOL
      I went ahead and published it after showing it to a writer I respect.
      It’s about perspective, I suppose. <3
      Thank you for reading, and understanding the words.

      Wishing you a beautiful year ahead,

      Jackie

    1. Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful comment.
      The words were meant to float, at least that’s how I saw them.

      Wishing you joy and serenity, in no particular order.

      Jackie

    1. Hi Kitt,

      Thank you, always.
      And thank you for the kind read and latest review of Georgia Pine.

      Sending light and happiness your way.

  2. This is gorgeous! I can relate so well. It takes a lot to forgive ourselves and yet it changes how we see the world around us. I am resolving not to spend so much time “navel-gazing” in 2016. What is, is. But I have so much hope for what is ahead!
    Happy 2016! So glad we met!

    1. Susie,

      Thank you for the beautiful sentiment.
      Resolving to spend less time “navel-gazing” sounds like a great idea, and so very well put.
      YES, let’s do it!
      I’m so glad we met as well, and wish youth brightest days ahead.

      Shine on!
      Xx Jackie

  3. Another amazing poem, Jackie. It’s true–self-forgiveness is so hard, but it’s also necessary. All of us have screwed up, and it’s OK. I’m finally allowing myself to accept that, and am glad you are too. We’re all just humans, doing our best. Thank you for putting that into such beautiful words. xox

    1. Thank you so much, Mary.
      I find self-forgiveness one of the hardest challenges to overcome,
      and perhaps the most vital. I’d like to believe I’ll arrive at the point where
      I’m enlightened and unencumbered by all the human stuff, for now I am aspiring. 🙂
      So, I allow myself the freedom on the page, and I’m so glad you enjoyed the poem.

      XX Jackie

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