Kindness and self-confidence become the noose around my neck in a shallow world filled with self-absorbed, self-obsessed, fear-fueled desperate “look at me” cries for attention
Guilty
I try not to dwell on the fake realities, about you and him and her in their filtered out of focus world, as redundant images scroll past my screen
And an overwhelming, weight bearing, heart heavy sadness floods my brain connecting bones and boiling blood
Social media may very well be the death of me
Isolation, extreme isolation hides behind the famous faces of one million followers and me
It is the most toxic thing about me
I take breaks so I can breathe, searching out the sun and trees and oxygen
And some goddamn authenticity
I do not give two fucks about some billion-dollar makeup queens, Yeezys, Cannes, or Louboutin’s
I do not care one bit about the latest fashion fad or how much money you make or the fabulous parties and people you call ‘framily”
High school was a lifetime ago, time to grow up and put on big girl panties
It’s too much fake news when one is searching for a higher purpose
We’re all dying the same shit and piss unavoidable last breath
The more time I live in stillness and honor the grass under my feet
The more I understand kindness, honor, integrity, love, and acceptance cannot be felt through a computer screen
Walking and talking feels better when looking up
Not down
I wonder what they will think of me and my digital footprint in a hundred years
Absolutely nada, zilch, nothing
There is freedom and wisdom and acceptance in that
I hope that I can grow old gracefully, without the want or need
of someone else’s perception of me
We can never really know what lies or truths exist inside somebody else’s story
Living simple, stripped down and exposed
Is the most beautiful validation and transitory truth
I can be
Outed from behind a computer screen

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