I have always felt safest underwater. My fondest memories are childhood summers spent at home with my strong, capable, joyful father sitting in a chair counting laps. He would be happy to just sit, and count well into adulthood. I knew he was there, waiting, whenever I came up for air, lingering a moment too long. Mesmerized by the summer sun, and the light patterns dancing across the blue vinyl.
To steal all that was pure and innocent Before she had the chance to experience All the changing shapes of her body The first kiss, crush, giddiness, and her exploding sexuality Making her feel dirty and ashamed Carrying secrets that did not belong to her Not yet a woman, barely a girl, and merely a child Undressed and exposed A child who would grow up and cower by the touch
Kindness and self-confidence become the noose around my neck in a shallow world filled with self-absorbed, self-obsessed, fear-fueled desperate “look at me” cries for attentionGuiltyI try not to dwell on the fake realities, about you and him and her in their filtered out of focus world, as redundant images scroll past my screenAnd an overwhelming, weight bearing, heart heavy sadness floods my brain connecting bones and boiling bloodSocial media may
In one hundred years, no one will remember I was here. Probably less, and I’m absolutely certain I’m okay with that. I have no children to hover or haunt, no one who will share memories or reminisce. I am absolutely 100% okay with that. Many of the people I loved and love will be gone too, and that makes me happy in a maudlin, relieved kind of mood. Life has
Young girl filled with big dreams it’s fine to carry on, all grown even when you cannot do it alone. There will be others just like you who’ve survived the awkward teenager years, pimples, bruises and broken hearts. They’ll care enough to remind you how perfectly precious you are. It’s okay to fall or fuck up; when you’re doing your best. Life will get harder than you can manage, but
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Without the clothes, the bling, the boys, all the heavy stuff. To be deliriously happy without watching the tick-tock of the clock, afraid that your time for bliss had past. It has not. You deserve to feel joy, wonder, love and laughter until your heart beat’s quiet. All I ever wanted was to see you smile wide and large, for
I had the craziest dream. Sweet Gardenia blossoms grew immense enveloping firestorms and chaos, masquerading all traces of ash and burn. The intoxicating scent of sweet perfume permeated the clean air, creating nursery rows of safety bubble greenhouses. A young girl’s innocence remained pure and virtuous. Flowering freedom rained dewdrops of kindness. There were no guns, no mass graves, no starvation, no rape, no death. No dead children. No hate.